Camp Kaybree
Last week Kaybree celebrated her 4th birthday. She had her first friend party ever! She had 8 friends come and we had the tent set up in the backyard. We made camp necklaces, played a few games and opened presents. Kelsey was good to make Kaybree's camp cake. It was fun!

Kelsey celebrated her 16th Birthday. She took a few friends to iFly in Ogden. They were supper fun to watch the DVD.  We actually let her go to prom last April. Looking back I think Kelsey would have been glad if we said no, but she was look beautiful. The dress shopping, I warned her to do early, but no, we had drama. We finally found one a week in advanced. Grandma to the rescue with the hemming:

Last November 2015 Kyson got his Eagle Scout award! He graduated in 2016 from High School. We are now awaiting his mission papers.

Kaylen is going to start school as a Senior this fall. So Crazy. She loves working but hates going to school. Her best friend is still Logan

Kensley is finishing up 6 grade. Loves art and loves her puppy.

June 17, 2013 Kaybree Elaine Poll was born. The last time I had a baby was 9 years prior to. Kelsey had a Birthday on the 15th and she demanded I not have Kaybree on her birthday. We got 2 more days and then the doctor sent me to the hospital after my BP was staying at 190's/110. Kaybree was born that night.

Time

When Kaybree was born, I recall laying awake at night. Her pack-n-play was at the end of our bed and she was sleeping in the infant attachment, I could lay at the foot of my bed and with the night light look in at her. She was awake, looking back as me. As long as she saw me she was good to lay there and drift to sleep. I recall watching her take her sweet breaths. Precious baby breath, inhale and exhale. I watched and wondered in amazement. She took her first breath on this earth when she was born. One breath to grant her life. She inhales and exhale. Fascinating. Breath that gave her life, but yet each breath she takes or any of us for that matter pulls us closer to the last breath of life. Each breath grants us life yet pushes us to age and motions us through growth and death. It is amazing. There have been many breaths since that day I watched her. Now she sleeps in her one bed, in her room. She says things to me that Kensley used to say so long away. Things that are so simple that she understands as she sees things so simply. I told her I would stuff her back in my belly and cuddle her there. She said, now, "I don't want you to eat me again!" I have a lot of fun with her. Kyson however, is now a man. He put in his mission papers last month. I could not be prouder. He does things with little expectation and gets little notice but he has overcome so much. Bullying at school, graduating with his class when the odds were against him, he pulled it off. Got his eagle in scouts before he turned 18 only to have drama with the mix up of paper work on the end of our leaders. Didn't matter though, he did the work and the leaders finally got it all turned in and he got his eagle as he had earned. It came through quietly and with little notice. He graduated from seminary. The day of the graduation, Kyson could not be there as Grandpa Parkinson had his funeral that same day. All the kids in our ward were recognized for graduating Seminary, but Kyson was not called up because, no one saw him so I don't know if they just assumed he did not graduate but weeks later the Clerk got his certificate to him on completion. He somehow never gets the credit but he did it all and I am so proud of the man that he is. Kaylen bought her first car, it was for $1700.00 and it ran for a year and a half. She has loved her freedom. She is stubborn but her stubbornness is fair at times and it will do her good in her future.She just bought her second car. I am not happy she went into dept for it. Got to somehow help her to get it paid off. Her best friends family Logan will be moving again. This time to Texas. Kaylen is upset. It would not surprise me if she tries to move down there for a bit. I really don't care for Texas. She has a boy she has been dating but I don't think she would mind leaving him behind for her best friend. Those two do some crazy fun stuff. they wont regret it. They do have some great stories. Today she came home after she said her biggest scare of her life. She thought she had poisoned her clients food as she prepped for a party at work. She sprayed non stick cooking spray all over these ribs to prep them for the party and then she thought the can looked like the oven cleaner. She said she was so scared her eyes went blurry and she couldn't even read the label. Lucky it was cooking spray. Funny how our bodies tend to protect us when we are so afraid by shutting down senses so we don't pass out. If we can just get Kaylen to stay in school and focus this last year, she will have a successful future. Kelsey is now moving into High School just fine. She has lots of friends. She is a beautiful girl and that is a bit frustrating to Matt as she is always getting asked out and she is not 16 years yet. She did awesome on her driving test. Just one near death experience but those are great learning opportunities. She went to Prom and we spent all this time and money on dresses. Yes more then one, then $500.00 later, she had the perfect dress. Since the Prom, she has rarely talked to the boy. But she hangs out with his friends. Matt does not like it. It just a future we see that is going to get more intense until some young man locks a ring on her finger. I hope she knows she can get the best. Kelsey is working at a gymnastic place teaching kids how to do flips. She is very talented being self taught she knows how to do all sorts of flips and tricks. She is talented. She was an awesome tap dancer too. Her teacher used to put her in the front of the lines to help her bring everyone in and lead the other. Kensley acts a lot like Kyson, She likes her friends, but hates drama. I seriously think she is one of my hero when it comes to handling intolerable situations with grace and Christ Like. She doesn't go a long with it but she with frames and she is truly inspiring to me. She doesn't like to watch Kaybree because she says bad things always happen to Kaybree when she watches her. Okay, there was the time when Kaybree was playing and fell off the bucket she was standing on and hit her tooth so hard it went back up into her gums. We have yet to see the tooth come back. That was 6 months ago, but the dentist said it was working back down. That would have happened even if I was watching her. Then one day, she fell asleep and my dad came. He took Kaybree home with her. Kensley called me all upset she lost Kaybree and she was so scared that she was kidnapped or got hit by a car. I called my dad and he confirmed that he had her. Kensley was so worried sick. I told her welcome to being a mom feeling. That stuff is how you feel all the time when you don't know where your kids are. She thinks she will just keep to having dogs, cats and bunnies and animals for kids. She graduated from 6th grade tomorrow. I will attempt to be there to surprise her. Kids are getting big, starting to leave the nest. Grateful I get to be their mom and watch them grow. They are independent. I wish I could do more for them but I think the fact that I have to work and had some things come up where they had to make choices and be responsible has been a blessing. I see my kids can make choices and understand consequences. They hold jobs and make their own money and they appreciate when I or someone else gives them. That is hard to find in other kids there age. So I am grateful the lord knows what he is doing. I see that.

Oh Baby!

September 1st we Baptized Kensley. It was on my mothers birthday. We had the great honor of having her great grandfather Parkinson there as well as Auntie and Uncle Uli. She looked so beautiful and happy. Kaylen started Jr. High and she loves everything about it except her brother being there and her art teacher. But all else she loves the change. She makes me laugh sometimes so hard that I cry. The things that she says and does and the way she explains it cracks me up. I love how she describes things that Oma does that embarrass her. I only laugh because I totally understand. As much as we love Oma, she does keep life on your toes when she is around. Kyson is amazing to me. He can be a Know it all though. But I admire that he is so comfortable with him being him. Matt sometimes thinks a little two comfortable, but that I think is a gift. Kelsey is doing really well in 6th grade. I really worried how she was going to handle it with Kaylen and Britt going to Jr. High, but she stepped up to the plate and has taken it upon herself to crack out of her shell. Years of suffering from anxiety, I am super proud that she was able to push forward. She is really helpful with Kensley now that I am working full time and not able to come home during the day to check on them. Kensley is an animal lover and just a happy full of life gal. She loves to create things and loves to care for things. She has a very kind soul. October we found out about our little surprise. Really? stills seems like the appropriate response to me, but the belly doesn't lie and it is getting very hard to hide. Why hide? Because of our track record. This is number 10 pregnancy. Since we had a 50/50 chance of keeping it, I thought we would just expect not to have it. It is this reason that really motivated me to journal after so long. I don't want to forget this feeling. November and December was very ruff. I am seasoned with the first trimester to understand what it is when I feel it. Unfortunately, I also understand mother natures way of helping you forget it. Since I have three girls, I want to be able to recall. It's sad to say but I do not like being pregnant. Feeling like your car sick 24-7 is just not my thing. Thank heavens that 12-13 weeks relief was my friend. I hear people say they just felt tiered never sick. Can I just say that is so unfair. When I add up all the time I have spend in first trimester it equals to 2 years of my life! Yuck! That is two years of only having a window of 4 hours a day that you can even think to eat food. Each morning waking up with headaches and gaging on the tooth brush. Two years of catching yourself falling asleep during the day. Two years of throbbing feet (as my heals always throb when I am pregnant). Two years of your chest feeling like it is on Fire. Not to also mention your eyes that long to sleep and trying to stay away makes them burn. Then there is the horrible false hope that when you finally get to go to sleep, you suddenly can't. Your wide awake. It is a horrible trick! Two years of wondering if you are going to keep or lose this baby. It is very agonizing. Truly just knowing would help you deal with all the above symptoms. In past pregnancy, I learned to watch and track the baby closely through blood tests and ultrasounds. This is expensive, but I found that sometimes, I do not miscarry right away after the baby dies. Sometimes he placenta keeps growing, so you still produce the HGC that makes all these side effect. I have learned it is easier for me to get a D&C done at this point, when we are all sure that the Baby has past. Once I had the D&C, I instantly started to feel better. Having children already, feeling pregnant with no hope of a baby to me was not worth it. I have other children and they need there mom to help them. If I still pregnant sick, it is emotionally hard on me as well as physically, so the D&C has been a blessing for me. I have passed one before. It was very emotional and physical as well. There was a lot of blood and I spent hours in the bathroom. With the D&C, I had a lot less bleeding and I recovered faster emotionally as well as physically. (Sorry for the details, but as I said, this is for my memory that Mother Nature sometimes robs us of.) The great thing right now, is I am feeling better and I can feel the baby fluttering. It is comforting to know that it is okay when I feel it after all the worrying. I wanted to wait before I had Kensley, but Matt wanted to get our family here. Once I was pregnant with her, I kind of regretted it because shortly after I found out my dad was in need of a kidney and I could not be the person to give him one. Then to want a boy and get girl number 3 was kind of disappointing to me as well. On top of that we all know the horrible pregnancy I had with breaking my knee cap and elbow and then going into preterm labor. 3 months on the couch stinks. Every minute feels like an hour. When all was said and done, I could not live my life without her. She was exactly what my family needed. I feel really bad that I ever thought I did not want her. This being said, I am going into this with the faith of knowing that this baby will be like Kensley is, exactly what this family needs. Knowing this is comforting. I am always so glad that the Lord understands what my family needs even though I may not agree at the time. We had a surprise pregnancy in November 2011. Matt was so unhappy. I was too sick to care. I did not know that I was pregnant until December. We were not trying to have a baby and it just happened, you would thing 7 years of us not having a baby we knew what we were doing. I was on some medications that clearly state not to take if you are trying to get pregnant. I was not trying. Once I found out I stopped taking them. I felt sick, but also felt like it just wasn't going to happen. I told the kids because I was sick and needed there help and understanding. Kyson didn't seem to think that much would change for him, Kaylen and Kensley was super excited and Kelsey was mad. Kelsey said she felt I was busy enough with the 4 of them and my job. She was upset. I took her to my first OB appointment so she could see if the baby was alive or not and then if it was, I hoped she would bond to seeing it. It worked. She was there and once she saw the heartbeat she stopped complaining. I had to make a plan. Kensley had started school full time and it was only a few months since I had not needed a baby sitter for her. If felt I could just follow the same baby sitting arrangement that I had used for Kensley on the new baby. I worked out all the details in my head and I was at peace. Then I miscarried. I struggled because I felt at fault for taking medications before and felt that I caused it. Even though I did not. My doctor assured me it was not due the medication I was on. We had nicked named that baby as Baby Bean. I struggled in knowing if this was the right note to end my child barring years on. Someone once told me you always regret the one you did not have. Many months of prayer later, in August of 2012 I told Matt I finally felt at peace with Baby Bean and our family and that it was time to make the move forward with our life and looked forward to grandkids. I find it funny that I mistook the spirit's answer of peace with my family as we were done having kids. Funny, it turns out it is because we were having one more and the Lord knew that it was the peaceful answer so that I would stop asking about it. I grew up in a family that there was a 15 year span between myself and my brother. My brother moved out when I was 3 years old. I hardly knew him. He is more like an uncle to me than a brother. I hated that situation growing up. I was an aunt at age 6. It was odd. I did not get to now my grandparents well. Just my mothers dad is the only one that I got to know. All of the others died before I was born or old enough to remember them. I wanted my children to know all of there grandparents. I stared having kids in my 20's and it worked. They all have great memories made of my parents and Matt's. We are blessed they are all still in our lives. Know I am following in my parents footsteps. My son is 15 years old and I am having a baby. Crazy! I know the situation. I just pray my parents health keeps up so that this child knows the great legacy where they come from. So that brings me to my thoughts and being up to speed at this moment. My belly is growing. The baby is growing. People are starting to ask me if I am expecting because I have not told a lot of people due to the above history, and I have been too sick and just trying to survive. The other day a guy at work told me I was glowing. I laughed and said that is because I was pregnant. He was taken back surprised. Then said "What is this number 4 for you?" I had to tell him 5. Someone who knew I was pregnant told me people where questioning each other because of my belly. She asked why I did not say anything. I told her I have trouble with miscarry. That it is just best to let things lie incase something happens. If I miscarry I could just disappear for a few days and never have to explain it. To tell you the truth, since August peace of revelation, I had my mind set that my family was complete. I can not picture myself with a Baby. I have two teenagers and a preteen. A huge generation gap, how could I relate to teens an 8 year old girl and a baby? Besides, after Kensley I gave away everything of my baby gear to my niece. I have nothing, and I have a home built for old people, including larger door frames. Seems so odd to raise a baby here. I just have not been able to stop thinking that I am going to lose this baby and it is just a matter of time before it dies. That is what the last 4 months I have been preparing for. However, here were still are with a baby moving inside and growing. Good thing Baby Bean gave me the thought to preplan. I am starting to think we may be having a baby? So how do I feel emotionally? Terrified. There is no hidden misunderstanding on what a baby brings... Work... worry... Debt.... lack of sleep. I already have all those things with the four I have now. Matt and I just got to the point where we bought a car with no built in car seats and automatic doors because our kids were old enough. We just got our freedom of hey, lets go out to dinner and not have to worry about baby sitters. Our kids do not need our supervision all the time. They bath themselves. Sometimes they even do it on there own choice without me asking. They can fix themselves Mac and Cheese or a sandwich if they are hungry. They can get themselves a drink without my help. I have reached utter freedom and now, I see binding myself back to being in demand. I will have to go back to picking up the house searching for anything that a baby can stick in there mouth. I am going to have to set the rule that all toilet seats must be closed, and baby proof this house and the outlets. I bought a kitchen table that fits 6 people just fine. Know I need one that seats at least 7 to have my family able to sit together. Breast feeding while working full time? How? I did it when I worked part time and it was hard. But I know I want that for this baby as I did it for 3 out of my 4 children and want that for this one. Then there is all the knew baby stuff. I looked through the baby isle of Walmart. WOW! Things have changed in the 8 years. Baby's eat baby food out of a pack of mush that has a sort of straw and not a jar. Diapers are more expensive. All this BPA free stuff. New set of rules and regulations. Can't we just keep this simple? It is hard to picture me dealing with these things. I am trying to gear up for it. Pray for us. With all this thought, I can say I am so glad for understanding of what I lacked with Kensley. The Lord knows what this family needs and I take it with full heart of gratitude. I just pray for the ability to be the mother that all my kids deserve. That is what terrifies me the most.

Kensley's Big 7

I know, everyone says it but really, you blink and time flies. How is that I kissed my baby in the hospital and next thing you know it she turns 7 years old. It makes it so much worse knowing she is my youngest and last. Last night I crept into her room at 11PM. She was fast asleep. I gently kissed her lips thinking this will be the last time I kiss her at age 6. She was born after 3 AM in the morning. I had to kiss her a few more time before I could let that moment go.

This morning, was breakfast and off to school. I told her she was already 7. She turned it while she was sleeping.

Tonight, family is coming over for bbq chicken and baked beans. Thank heavens that Mom and Sister are putting rolls and salads together for me. I don't know what I would do without them. They spoil me.

08/15/2011- Boogies

Kensley Poll 6 years old 08/15/2011 After a bath and a big sneeze, Kensley started the following conversation with me:
“Mommy, I hate that when I was 4 I used to pick my nose… And then I ate it!”
Mom
“Oh, why did you do that?”
Kensley
“I don’t know but I did it all the time. You know, before I found out that it was sand.”
Mom,
“Oh yes, they are made of some dirty stuff you breath in.”
Kensley
“Ya, and I was like addicted to them!”
Mom
“Ya, that’s kind of gross”
Kensley,
“I know, I wonder how long they are going to last in my body.”
Mom,
“I’m sure they are not still in your body.”
Kensley
“What do you mean?”
Mom
“I’m sure your tummy has digested them already”
Kensley
“I don’t think so because I keep having them in my body.”
Mom
“What do you mean?”
Kensley
“You know, I still have stuff coming from my head, and down my throat. So it is still there.”
Mom
“Oh, honey, that’s normal. It’s called mucus. You have that all your life if you eat boogers or not. It keeps your insides from being dry.”
Kensley
“Oh, I thought I had it because I ate my boogers when I was four.”
Mom had to walk away laughing.

Boys, Boys. Boys?

I am not sure why I always assumed this would be the reversed.

A few weeks ago, Kensley expressed her feelings about growing up. She wanted to know if she could live with me forever. I told her I was not sure that I would live forever. And I also told her that she would one day want to get married and move out. She assured me that being married was "Gross!". So I asked her, "mommy and daddy are married are we gross?" Her relply, "no, your not gross." I went through other married couples and she told me they all were not gross, but she thought if she got married that would be gross.

"Okay, you can live with me, but you will need to have a job and pay me rent." I told her. She was confused, and asked, "Why can't i just live here and use your money?" My response, "Because one day mommy will be too old to work and then who will pay the bills?" her answer, "We can just use your money to pay the bills." "But what if mommy is not alive then how will you pay the bills?" Her Reply, "I'll just use all your money." In which I could see she had it all figured out.

Not Two days later, Kensley comes home from Kindergarten very sad and upset. She frowned mostly everytime I looked at her. "What is the matter?" I asked "Did you have a good day at school?"
"No, I don't want to tell you."
"You Can tell mommy."
"********** asked me to marry him today at school. It made me sad."
"What did you tell him?'' (I like ******** I think he has good taste! but I had to hold my laughter because I recalled the above conversation)
"I was just coloring at my desk and he was playing with some friends. Then he moved away from them and asked me to marry him, I just kept coloring and told him 'Nooooo. Buuuuttttt' Then looked back at my paper and started coloring again."
LOL! It was so cute, but she was in tears over it! You can not mention it to her at all if you read this she will be so upset!

Now today.... Kelsey calls me with a stomach ache. So I pick her up from school. Over the day her tummy pain seems to increase if you mention getting better for school tomorrow or anything about school. So I realize, something must have happened there to make her upset..
So I go in to investigate.. Girl drama! Success! Apparently she no longer can go to school because her teacher moved her next to a boy in her class that has told other people inside and out of the class that he likes Kelsey and wants to get her drinks and Kiss her broken finger better. She is now just too uncomfortable to go back to class. I asked her would it helped if your teacher moved you away from this boy? (not his fault that he has great taste in cute girls). She said no. Because everyone all knows about it because he tells them so she is "uncomfortable" to return to class and school. Hum.... How do you fix that one. If I send her tomorrow, she is sure she will worry herself into another terrible tummy ache. So I told her do not worry about it tonight. you can go on Monday. Instant Tummy ache gone! I came downstairs and told Kaylen, Kelsey has an issue at school, so she will not go tomorrow. I told her she had to go on Monday. Kaylen informs me.. "Mom, you realize spring break starts on Monday right?"
LOL Girl Drama, Come on boys, leave my girls alone (although I can't say I blame you they are super cute)!

Glitter Toes

11-11-99. I remember that day. The day Kaylen was born. She turns 11 years old today. Happy Birthday Baby Girl. We usually do Birthday parties every other year. It's that year again, so we partied it up last night with Kaylens two friends and Kelsey and Kensley. What a night.

Kids all had a dentist apt and had to be home by 5:30 for the girls night out. Kelsey ended up having a tooth pulled and then after all the teeth were cleaned, DR. Packard rewarded them all with chocolate ice cream from his new ice cream machine :) Funny I know!

When they got home, off we girls went. To a very nice Aveda spa where the girls got Glitter toes! Super cute! We had hot chocolate, and some of the girls got their makeup done too. When Kaylen was getting hers done I came in to take a picture. She said, "Jealous?". I said , "yup!".

Luck of the draw was that all three of my girls had the same person do their toes, while the other two friends had another person do theirs. My girls commented on how soft the girl doing theirs was. The other two... well, lets just say, their feet were a bit on the red side. Opps! They told me that the girl told them, "Tell me if this hurts." I asked "why did you not say anything?". They both replied, "I did not want to hurt the girls feelings!" lol. I told them, "It's easy, all you say is 'OUCH!'".

After the toes where Glitterized, off to Olive Garden. It was a blast!

Tonight, the family is coming over for our quarterly pizza party. We get to have two pizza parties in November! I look forward to Kyson's Birthday just around the corner. I wonder if he can top Glitter Toes?!?

Aft